one of those days...

yoga with adriene, essential oils, happy light

guys.  oh man.  i am trying really hard to make sure this day is not one of those days.  you know what i mean.

it took me forever to fall asleep last night as my mental to-do list was flipping through my head like a rolodex.  for some reason i was pondering some deep stuff.  i forced myself to use the meditative tools that i have been learning and practicing, and finally feel the pull of sleep on my mind.  yay, i thought, here i go, down into glorious sleep.  and then was jolted awake by another thought sneakily, insistently reminding me of another thing i must take care of.  damn.  ok, meditate again, clear the mind, a piece of prayer gently floating around my conscious...'say God sufficeth all things above all things...'.  it's a lovely thought to fall asleep to.  finally.

many hours later, my son screams out for me, asking me to come lay next to him, he is scared.  a few minutes later, his breath has slowed and has become regular, with a sweet little boy snore.  right at that moment my daughter starts crying from her crib.  i go in, she asks to be covered with her blankets.  it is a very specific order.  first her fleece, cozy blanket, then her beautiful knit blanket made for her by grama kian, then her 'blue blanket' which is a tiny aidin + anais muslin blanket that must be cuddled right up to her chin.  then she asks for her babies.  blue baby.  and pink baby.  then she wants to cover her babies with blue blanket.  but no, that's not going to work.  we are not happy.  blue blanket must be cuddled up to her chin.  i say goodnight, leave the room and close the door.  i weave my way back down the hallway to my room, my bed that is so warm and cozy and snuggly.

some amount of time later, daughter screams, hubby goes in.  daughter cannot be consoled.  she is brought to our bed.  she is told to lay still and go back to sleep.  she does.  for about 15 minutes.  it must be about 5am.  after awhile, this baby girl is done sleeping.  it is still very early.  and dark.  hubby, defeated and submitting to the fact that he will not get any more sleep, wakes up and goes to work.  our lovely daughter cries and screams and whines.  she doesn't want baba to go.  she wants to play with her picnic stuff in her closet.  she wants her plastic turtle toy that lights up, sings songs and is very loud.  mama says no.  daughter screams.  this goes on and on.

repeatedly i try to get this girl back to sleep, but these attempts are in vain.  she is awake for the day.  damn.  but that's not even the most annoying thing.  it's that she is whiny.  incessantly.  eventually the boy wakes up.  they are demanding breakfast.

i am tired, and cranky.  this day is going to be rough.

i make the kids pancakes.  i give them lots of food for breakfast hoping that they will not be cranky.  i really just want to put a show on for the kids and take a nap on the couch with my cozy down comforter.  but i have lots to do today.  i tell myself to put on my big girl underpants.  i remind myself that millions of women around the world lacking the comforts that i have take care of their children, protect them from harm, put their lives at risk for their children.  i can suck it up and be functional today.

what will help?  i decide to do some yoga.  i tell the kids that mama needs some time to do yoga so that i can be a kind mama today.  i set up my yoga mat, my "happy light", my diffuser with stress away essential oil, my computer playing yoga with adriene.  it feels so nice.  deep restorative breaths.  eyes closed while i breathe in.  i am taking in everything that is good for me.  i am receiving that which will give me strength.  'is there any remover of difficulty save God?'  not for me.  deep breath out, through the mouth.  breathe out the stress, the anger, the anxiety.  i want to cry.

the yoga with adriene i chose is called "yummy yoga".  it feels so perfect for this morning.  my body is tight and in pain.  the deep breathing and stretching is just what i need.  the video is finished.  there was a long savasana.  i decide i need meditation, too.  i like guided meditation and choose a video from doyouyoga with faith hunter.  it is a moving meditation.  i try to block out the sounds of my kids playing.  then i remember that i should accept the noise and the thoughts and then dismiss them.  so i try that.  it kind of works.  i try to be at peace while surrounded by kid-induced chaos.  i remind myself that it is easy to feel happy and peaceful and calm and loving during times of joy and ease.  it takes spiritual faculty and virtues to be all those while in the midst of difficulty.  i choose to take on the challenge today.  i can do this.  'be thankful in adversity and generous in prosperity'.  i pray.  i listen to some beautiful songs.

i make myself eggs with sautéed onions, bell peppers and tomatoes.  the savory eggs offset the pancakes nicely.  i eat a good sized breakfast full of protein, fruits and veggies.  i will drink coffee today.  i will think about the things i am thankful for, i will have gratitude.  i notice the kind, funny, and creative aspects of my children while i eat breakfast.  my son is building a bunch of different spaceship and rescue vehicles out of legos.  my daughter is setting up a tea party.  for this moment i am soaking it in.  i know the rest of the day won't be this calm and enjoyable.  i will draw from this moment.

meditation with faith hunter