first week with baby girl

so baby girl is now a week old.  i kind of feel like she has been with us for much longer.  we brought her home last saturday evening.  the next day she met my brother and sister-in-law and all the cousins, my folks came over, and hubs' aunt and cousin.  the day was kind of hectic, with lots of visitors.  i was nursing and holding baby A most of the day, and our guests were playing with Z, so i really didn't get to see him very much that day.  but he was really sweet to the baby when he would come over and check on us.  he would give her kisses and pat her head and say in a really sweet high pitched voice, "baby sister, you are sooooo cuuuuute!".  it totally melted my heart.  he has been so sweet with her, he constantly wants to know where she is, he is always saying that she is so cute, and giving her kisses.  he is really interested in watching her nurse, and when she cries he says, "uh-oh, what's happening?".  anyway, the next day when Z woke up, he came into our room like usual, and normally he climbs into bed and snuggles up next to me for a bit before we get up for the day.  but this time, i was pumping milk and the baby was in the bed, which was probably a surprise for him.  i was trying to keep him from bumping into and hurting the baby as he was climbing up into the bed, and he was also really interested in the breast pump so he was messing with it and trying to figure out how it works, etc.  it was stressing me out and so i was asking him to back up and give me some space.  eventually hubs took him downstairs, but i felt bad.  throughout the day he acted out a couple of times, being defiant and a little grumpy.  i was really thinking about it all day long and it was making me sad.  i was thinking about how i can juggle taking care of this new baby without neglecting my boy.  the next day hubs and i left early in the morning to take baby A to her first doctors appointment, and when hubs was telling Z that we were going to take baby sister to the doctor and he was going to stay with grama, he said "you take baby sister to the doctor, and leave her there", and when hubby told him that no, we would be bringing her back home he said "yea" with kind of a smile on his face, so he was joking around and being silly, but i'm sure it came from some sort of truth.  anyway, later that day hubby and i were talking and trying to figure out this situation, and he was saying that he could tell Z was sad.  and i was sad, i kept tearing up the whole day thinking about how Z was probably feeling, and missing being with him as well.  we were both so used to spending our whole day and night together, so to go from that to spending just minutes a day together was hard on us both, and although it had only been about 2 days, i wanted to figure out a solution so that it didn't become a problem.  so after hubby and i talked, we decided that i would just have to make sure my interactions with Z were not tense and stressful (because of my fear of him accidentally hurting the baby) and that i should make sure to take time to be with him.  so i decided that i would involve him as much as i could while i was nursing the baby or changing her diaper or dressing her, things like that.  for example, he usually wants to snuggle up next to me and put his head on my shoulder while the baby is nursing, and there's nothing wrong with that, he is generally pretty careful.  i've been trying to take some time to play with him as well.  later that day i made sure to sit on the floor and play with him while the baby was peacefully sleeping in the mama-roo.  we played with his legos, and then we played while he was lining up his toys in a line across the living room, which is what he is doing these days.  every time he ran from one side of the living room to the other to line a new toy up, he would pat my back as he walked by.  it was really sweet, and made me both sad and touched at the same time.  so anyway, trying to figure out how to balance my time to spend it with both kids will be my task for the next bit of time.  i imagine there will be a lot of baby wearing and nursing baby while playing on the floor with Z.  but since then, it's been a little better.  today was the first day that we didn't have all of the family at our house, just me and my in-laws, and it was a good day---i held the baby and nursed her, got to spend time with Z and rock him for his nap time, and get some stuff done around the house.  i imagine that once we are on a good schedule, things will feel a lot less chaotic, as i've said before, i do well with schedules.  so, baby A is just a pleasure so far, and Z is so so sweet with her, and i feel like i'm going to start a new job this week when my in-laws leave to go back home, hahaha.  it's funny, i feel a lot less anxiety and stress this time around with a newborn than i did with Z, even though it's going to be lots more work.  things just don't seem as dramatic and i feel much more calm and in some sort of control, less irrationally emotional and more focused.  i'm sure there will be many days where this is not the case, especially when it's just the three of us all day, but it helps that i am starting off in a better place emotionally, and physically, too, because this time around it seems that i am slimming down a little faster, too.  it's soooooooooooo nice not to have the annoying aches and pains associated with the end of pregnancy, they basically just disappear and now, a week and a few days after delivery, i feel really good.  not 100%, but so much better at this point after delivery than the first time.  wooohoooo!  there are some things about newborns that i either don't quite remember, or didn't have to deal with when Z was tiny, so that's interesting.  for example, miss A is not as an aggressive of an eater as Z was, so i am constantly having to wake her up during feedings.  also, she sleeps a lot during the day, like newborns do, but Z never did, so at first i was thinking something was wrong, but after talking to my pediatrician sister in law and consulting some stuff online, she sleeps as much as any other newborn does and there's nothing to worry about.  it's just so funny how different the two pregnancies, labor and delivery, and newborn stages are between the two.  oh, and i still can't believe i'm a mother of two kiddos yet, it makes me feel like such an adult, with so much responsibility, hahaha.  so, anyway, i'm going to end this post, it's kind of rambling with no coherence, but that's my mind right now!  

i'm going to go enjoy my babies now!