taking pause

i have been wanting to write about being a mother of two so far, but haven't had time!  haha.  but, i want to get this down real quick while both of my kids are napping---AT THE SAME TIME!  so that i can remind myself in the future.  being a mom of multiple children is hard.  and since i am home with them ALL THE TIME, i rarely get a break.  i have lots to write about that, too, but i'll save it for another post.  anyway, i struggle with this, staying at home with the kids by myself and trying to be patient, loving, kind, while taking care of their needs and teaching them some stuff about life.  a lot of days i feel like i am just going through the motions and just trying to get through.  a lot of days are so overwhelming and challenging.  there are glimmers of wonderful moments, though.  today, after a fairly easy morning, we experienced a medium sized toddler tantrum which stemmed from no discernible cause, and an infant that all of a sudden refuses to take naps.  naps, naps, naps!  it's so hard!  i have always had a hard time with z and naps, and ava was proving to be a wonderful, text book napper until the four month sleep regression.  now she hardly naps during the day.  and what's more difficult is trying to nap sleep train her while trying to keep a toddler busy.  anyway, i dread putting z down for naps now more than usual because ava is almost always still awake and they distract each other while we lay in z's bed trying to fall asleep.  it's challenging.  but today, we lay down, i am on one side of the bed, z is on the other and ava is in between us, nursing.  they are both so sleepy but fighting it.  z cuddles up close to ava and holds her hand in his own.  he often does this and it makes my heart squeezey.  she usually pulls it away so that she can hold onto my finger or my shirt.  today she let z hold her hand for a few minutes, and as they are holding hands, z gives her a little hug and kisses her on her head, looks into my eyes and says, "mama, i will take care of baby sister".  and then i died.  it was so sweet and sincere.  and at that moment, i was in bliss.  and i knew that we made the right choice in wanting to have more than one child, so that they can be each other's first best friends, and so that even after hubs and i are no longer around, hopefully when we are very old, that these two will have each other, and will take care of each other.  these are the moments when i take pause and whisper a thanks to God for giving me this experience, to remind me how blessed we are, and to keep me going, through the daily grind, through the tantrums and wailing cries of an overtired infant.  i needed that little reminder.