so...what do you do all day?

hey guys!  sorry i am so inconsistent with posting regularly.  i hope to have more time to write soon.  but, i took a little break because i have been really trying to work on myself and some things i am struggling with.  i would like to write a post about all that, but first i wanted to write about being a stay at home parent.

are you a stay at home parent?  has anyone ever said to you, "oh, that must be so nice" or "wow, you get to spend so much time with your kids" or "it sounds great to be able to stay at home all day with your kids" or even, "oh, so what do you do all day, you must have so much time".

grrrrr.  seriously?  i have to admit, before i was a stay at home mom myself, i probably thought and even asked these same things.  staying at home with little ones is definitely not what i thought it would be.  not that it's good or bad, it just is what it is.  sometimes it's hard, sometimes it's amazing, sometimes it's meh.  for me each day may or may not be the same.  it all depends on the kids!  that has been the most challenging issue for me, is the lack of control i have.  sure, we have a pretty good routine and schedule.  that helps.  but you never know if it's going to be a great day or a shit show.  sometimes it's both.

whatever the case, i feel like i have never put so much energy and so much of myself into a "job" before.  it. is. exhausting!  physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually exhausting.  maybe it's because i have two.  maybe it's because they are extremely active and headstrong.  maybe it's because of me.  but at the end of the day i am so wiped out.

one day i was kind of annoyed with myself and thinking, why am i so tired in the evenings?  i started to track what i was doing each day.  and really, how long i was "working".  and then i was like, "ohhhhhhhhhhhh".

so i thought i'd take you along on what a typical day looks like for me! fun, right?

my daughter wakes me up by screaming my name.  i have been trying to wake up earlier so that i can do things like yoga and prayers/meditation, but it has been hard to get up before the kids

breakfast for the kids.  cereal.  i know, it's terrible.  but today is a school day and i don't have time to cook a wonderful breakfast.  i have my breakfast, too---an egg, some toast, a banana and some strawberries.

i don't know if this is the same with other families, but for some reason, getting the kids dressed in the morning and out the door takes sooooooooo much effort, sometimes tears are involved

time to get ready.  get dressed, put on a tiny bit of makeup, just enough so that i look like a functioning human being.  get the kids dressed.  there is so much resistance to this.  whyyyyyy?  pack a bag with snacks, fill the kids' water bottles, fill my water bottle, make my coffee and put it in the travel cup, gather all the things, put shoes on the kids, put my shoes on, help the kids get in the car (more herding of cats), pull out to head to the preschool

just dropped my son off at preschool, have a couple errands to run...

first errand---have to stop at the store to pick up a few things for my son's teacher since it's teacher appreciation week.  also picked up an iced mocha for me and a cake pop for the little one.

now we are at my friend's house so i can help her choose a paint for her kitchen walls that coordinate with the tile for the new backsplash and the existing countertops.

all the while the kids are playing in the back yard

heading back to preschool to pick up my son.  the kids like to play in the play room and then a little bit outside on the trails  and in the yard around the building, with some of the other preschool kids

finally get the kids wrangled into the car (i don't know what it is about getting kids in the car and strapped into their carseats, it takes so much effort most of the time!) we head home and i make them lunch.  i am starving, myself, but need to feed these kids first.  toast with cream cheese, carrots, cheese, and some pineapple will do.

i turn a show on for the kids while they are eating lunch.  i do this so that i can make and then eat my lunch in peace.  especially today since i am starting to get hangry.  normally the kids don't eat in front of the tv.  but it is a tool i use sometimes when i need.

nap time for the little one.  i usually let my son watch a show while i put my daughter down for a nap, otherwise he either gets into stuff he isn't supposed to or he just comes and wakes her up by opening her door, and other annoying stuff.  it depends on how she's doing, but sometimes she falls asleep peacefully within 10 minutes or so and sometimes she screams and cries and i have to go in a few times to lay her back down.  i usually take some time while she is falling asleep to go in my room and read a little bit or scroll through social media, read emails, etc.  if she is not screaming or whining, or after she has fallen asleep, i then take some time to say my obligatory prayer, some other prayers, and sometimes i will do a guided meditation, and read a little bit of something spiritually uplifting.  this is my "me" time.  i am not consistent about it, but am trying.

i remember to take my vitamins!

while i am upstairs, i clean up the mess that the kids made upstairs while i was getting dressed and ready this morning, and i make my bed.  there are toys in the hallway, so i clean those up, and i pick up some toys in my son's room

time to go downstairs to do more cleaning and chores done.  when i get to the bottom of the stairs, there is a mess at the front entryway, so i pick up shoes and coats and bags and put them away

i also pick up more toys

i didn't get a chance to clean up after breakfast this morning, and the lunch mess still needs to be cleaned up.  so i get to work.  since i switched around my chore schedule so that i do most of the weekly cleaning all on one day, i don't have to do anything extra today like mopping or cleaning the bathrooms.  but there still ends up being plenty of stuff to tidy up all day long.

i hand wash some dishes and load the rest into the dishwasher, and then get it started.  it takes 3 hours!!!

i whip up a batch of biscotti because we have a Baha'i meeting at our place tonight and want something sweet to serve.  also, i will set some aside for z's teacher as part of her teacher appreciation gift.

wash more dishes from the biscotti making, and then spray and wipe down the kids' table (still from breakfast), the counters, the sink, and make sure the kitchen is clean and tidy (and sanitized)

time for laundry.  there is a huge pile of clothes in the hamper waiting to be washed, a load in the dryer that needs to be taken out and folded, and the load in the washer needs to be put in the dryer

i hear the oven timer, the first round of baking the biscotti is done.  take it out and let sit for 30 minutes, then cut into pieces and put back in the oven

i turned the tv off at some point so that my son could play, which he did in his room for a bit, and then made his way outside in the backyard.

i head back upstairs again for the 15th time today, who knows what it's for this time

but on the way past my son's room i see that it is messy again.  grrr.  i am not cleaning it up again.  must remember to get him to clean it up before bed.

i start some of the prep work for dinner.  we are eating simple tonight since we have a meeting, i'm making some tacos.  i hear my daughter yelling for me upstairs, she is awake from her nap.  i hope that she's not grumpy so that i can finish making dinner.

turns out, she was a little grumpy, but nothing a snack and some time outside won't fix this time

i sit outside for a few minutes in the sun while watching the kids play.  it is spring here and the sunlight is absolutely gorgeous at the corner of my yard.  such good lighting for photography!

gorgeous springtime sun.  i take a moment to be thankful for this.  i am working on my mindfulness practice.  yay, me.

hubs comes home a little earlier than usual so we can get ready for our meeting tonight.  he is outside playing with the kids and doing light yard work in his nice work clothes, hahaha

this is usually the part of the day that is the roughest, because i am finishing cooking dinner, and sometimes the kids are cranky and hanging on my legs, but thankfully hubby is playing outside with them so i can finish making dinner.  i make the kids each a quesadilla.  z won't eat a bean taco, which is what i made for dinner, and if z has a quesadilla then ava wants one too.

while the quesadillas are cooking i set the table and get all the food out

my daughter has come back inside, and while i am taking the quesadillas off the stove, i hear a noise.  i go into the dining room to see what's up and here is ava climbing onto the table to sneak some food.  i get her down so she doesn't fall and then i strap her into her chair.  i run to grab her plate and throw some avocado on there for her while i finish getting everything on the dinner table.  i run back to the kitchen to cut the quesadillas.

gotta let the quesadillas cool before cutting them.  god forbid that any cheese oozes out the side of the quesadilla or else my son will not eat it.  i grab two kids cups and fill with water, take to the dining table.  come back into the kitchen and grab my water glass and fill with water and take to the table.  call out the back door for hubs and z to come in and eat dinner.  it is a little bit of a struggle to get z to come inside.  he whines.  i have to remind him that we have a meeting tonight and we don't have time for this.  finally get the kid inside, wash hands, get him to the dinner table.

oven timer goes off again, biscotti are now done.  take out to cool.  head back into the dining room, sit down and eat.  try to get the kids to eat as much as possible.  kids finish eating, get down and start playing in the front room.  remind them that we have a meeting and ask them not to make a mess in that room.  they don't really listen.  since we have to clean up and get ready for the meeting, we turn a show on for the kids.  we don't want them to wreck the house before guests come.

after dinner mess to clean.  dishwasher is not quite done yet so i have to wash all this by hand.  wipe down and clean counters again.  wipe down and clean stove, dining table, and floor underneath where the kids sat.  make kitchen look clean and tidy again.

feed the fish, sharkie

now it's a mad rush to get everything ready for the Baha'i meeting, including tidying up the front room, making tea, setting out the snacks, plates, etc, setting out some prayer books, making sure we have all the paperwork needed, etc.  meanwhile hubs is getting kids in their pj's

guests arrive, we say some prayers and have our meeting.  we are interrupted many times by ava, but she is cute.  she wants to say prayers with us.  as the meeting goes on, both of the kids sneak in at various times to grab a sweet treat that we have out on the table for the guests.  towards the end, ava wants to "make soup" for everyone since their play kitchen is right there in the front room.  it's actually pretty adorable.  kids are starting to fall apart a little bit, it's past their bedtime.  meeting over, hubs gets kids to sleep while i clean up a bit.  hubs comes downstairs and helps.

am too tired to clean up the rest of the stuff from the meeting, so there are some dishes in the sink.  i will do them tomorrow.  also, toys are all over the front room again.  will pick that up tomorrow as well.  i sit down with some tea and a biscotti before getting ready to go to bed.  do nighttime skincare routine, brush teeth, etc, and then sink into my bed.  am exhausted.

so, this is by no means an exhaustive list of what i do during any particular day, and although we have a framework for how our days usually go, no day is always the same.  the other thing i'd like to mention is the mental load.  this example also does not go into the mental load that i take on and carry around all day.  this article actually is a great visual for all the stuff that a mom (and probably dads, too, but i can only speak from a mom's perspective) thinks about every moment of the day.  it includes logistics, schedules, to-do's, stuff that needs to get taken care of right now, stuff that needs to get taken care of in the future, anything and everything having to do with the care of the children-- physical, emotional, spiritual, the well being of our partners, our parents, ourselves, work stuff, personal stuff, family stuff.  the list goes on and on and on.  chances are you know what i'm talking about.  for me, a lot of it has to do with the kids and their needs, the stuff that needs to get done around the house, the stuff that i need to do related to my business, and the Baha'i committee and administration that i am a part of, my hubby, my own mental and spiritual health, the physical health issues i am dealing with, and anything that friends might talk to me about.  these are things i think about consistently throughout the day.  the other huge thing that's missing above is any parenting stuff that i do throughout the day like coaching a child through a tantrum, mediating a disagreement between the kids, changing diapers, helping with going to the bathroom, times that i spend with the kids themselves playing or reading, etc, and all that stuff.  there just isn't enough time for me to capture all of that in photos, or even in words.  and if you are a stay at home parent, you know what i'm talking about.  you can't document it all because it's so much.  and you want to be present for it.  that's the most important thing.  so, there you have it.  the reason i'm so exhausted is because of all these things, and because it starts early in the morning---let's say 7am conservatively---and lasts until 9pm.  that's a 14 hour day.  of non-stop action.  hahahahah.  every day.  even if you work outside the home, you are still putting in that kind of time at home after work.  daaaaang! so good work to all the moms and dads out there.  this work is intense.