how we can make time for our self-care
so this is the third post in my series of self-care posts. you can read the first one here which talks about re-defining the term 'self-care' and the second one here that talks about why we need self-care.
this post is all about the logistics. i realized that one of the reasons that i personally drop the ball on self-care is because i don't have any systems in place to support it. or sometimes it seems too hard. so i have been thinking of some ways that i can set myself up for success to be able to incorporate self-care acts everyday. as i mentioned in the first post, it's the small daily acts that make you feel like you are a priority in your own day, not just the large scale events.
one of the resources that has really helped me figure this out a bit is the book "The Fringe Hours" by Jessica N. Turner. a few years ago i was listening to a podcast in which Jessica was being interviewed about her new book and it sounded soooooo intriguing. basically, this mama has 3 kids, a full time out of the house job, a successful blog and an author. and she has hobbies. that, like, she actually, regularly partakes in. it's because she takes the time to nurture those things, all of them. and she admits she doesn't always do it perfectly. but anyway, i admired her ability to do all these things. not that i want my life to be packed so that every minute is full of something, but sometimes i feel like my life is so packed with stuff that every minute is full of something. you know? but i read her book and really liked it. if you are so inclined, you can check it out here on amazon (this is not an affiliate link, i just use amazon like i use air https://www.amazon.com/Fringe-Hours-Making-Time-You-ebook/dp/B00LB5OYHS. but i actually checked the ebook out from my library and read it on my kindle app. for free!
sooooo what i realized is that i don't have large chunks of time throughout the days to do things, especially to do things for myself. that should be fairly obvious but what can i say, i am a little slow sometimes. hehe. i was wondering how i could fit things in like 10 minutes here, 5 minutes there. i have to do that with everything since i have a baby and a preschooler at home and i am constantly bouncing back and forth between their needs. i wrote a list of the things i wanted to do everyday to feel like i was taking care of my needs (my list is basic stuff right now and eventually, i will be able to add more things as i get better at incorporating these things and as the kids get older and less reliant on me for everything). then i wrote down my schedule for everyday, most days have different schedules and requirements so i just wrote a framework of the day and the must-do's, and then the next most important things and then i was able to see where i had these extra minutes and small spaces of time. i am a visual learner, so it was helpful for me to write this all out. and i refer to this a lot, sometimes everyday, especially on hectic days when i am feeling a little lost on what i should do next. just doing that was a huuuuuuuge help to reveal time that i have that i didn't realize.
then i thought about what i was doing during some of these free times and had to decide what i wanted to put my attention towards during these times. for instance, sometimes when i am putting the baby down for a nap i scroll through instagram. sometimes i read. both of those things are fine. but i don't necessarily want to do those things EVERY time i put the baby down for a nap, which is 3 times per day. sometimes i can peruse amazon for a gift for the birthday party we are going to attend on the weekend, sometimes i can reply to an email or text, sometimes i can post some pictures, etc. these are mostly things that i don't HAVE to do but that i want to and it works well for me to do them while i may otherwise be just laying there scrolling mindlessly through social media. basically i just thought about these extra minutes here and there that are available through the day that i may have overlooked before or thought it wasn't actually enough time to do anything useful. haha actually a large part of how this became visible to me was how i was blasting through books on my kindle app on my phone. i realized i could actually read quite a bit everyday by pulling up my phone and reading for a few minutes here and there.
so anyway...i just kind of became aware for one week of the transition times i had that may be used for some kind of action. some examples i found were stuff like sitting in the pick-up line waiting to pick up my son from school (usually about 20 minutes juts sitting there in the car); the times when the baby wakes up from her nap but i can hear that she is not crying she is just babbling to herself, i can still use that time to finish a task; when i am laying next to the baby to get her down for her nap; when i am waiting in line or at the doctor's office, etc; when i am getting ready in the morning (i can listen to a podcast, affirmations, prayers, music, an audiobook, etc). now, the point of this isn't to pack more tasks into my day necessarily (sometimes it is and sometimes it's not depending on how i am feeling and what's going on), but mostly this time is to take do to something FOR MYSELF. for example, while sitting in the pick-up lane waiting to get my son from school i will check in with a friend via marco polo, or check out a book from the library through their app, or read an article that i saved earlier in the day. when i am on the floor playing with the baby sometimes i will do some stretches or my core work exercises, etc. while i am nursing the baby first thing in the morning, before getting out of bed, i read some Baha'i writings like the Hidden Words. stuff like that.
another huge part of setting up the framework for self-care is solving problems and setting up logistics. sometimes this can be super easy--like, i wanted to be able to read writings before i fell asleep and about half the time i would go onto my phone to find something to read, become distracted and find myself looking at instagram or reading an email, etc. so to help myself i put the actual book that i wanted to read right on my nightstand next to my bed. or, to remember to take my vitamins, i put them in the same location that i put the kids'---the reason this works is because i don't forget to give the kids their vitamins daily but i overlook taking my own. if mine are right next to theirs, i just take mine while they are taking theirs. some things require more effort, like if i have to go to an appointment for myself. but i was able to make a list of about 6 people who may be able to watch my girls during the day while i go. every person i asked said yes they could help, and it made me feel so relieved and supported. so through a handful of people that i trust with my kids, i am able to make appointments for myself again instead of waiting until i can ask hubby to stay home from work, which isn't always possible for him. there are lots of ways you can figure out the logistics-can you trade babysitting services? utilize a drop-off daycare for a few hours? institute a quiet time for your kids where they have to play in their rooms by themselves for an hour? there are creative ways to figure out how to find the time that you need to take care of yourself.
the last part, for me at least, is letting go of certain expectations. for some reason (ahem societal pressures) i feel incredibly guilty not spending all the time with my kids. but honestly, i don't need to do that. i mean, sometimes you do, right? especially if they are little. but my son is 6.5 and my older daughter is 4 and they are perfectly able to entertain themselves sometimes, or most of the time. they need me less. i have realized that i can be in the same room with the kids while they play and i am working on something. even with the baby. not all the time, but she is 7 months old so she is able to sit on the floor and can play with toys for a solid 20 minutes sometimes, without needing me to be right next to her. sometimes i am sitting there with her, and other times not (i mean that maybe i am sitting up on the chair while she is on the floor right next to me but i am letting her explore on her own). and what i realized is that it's actually GOOD to allow your kids some independence and freedom to entertain themselves. they learn how to be creative and how to figure out new games and imaginative play and not be solely reliant on someone else for entertainment. it has been a huge eye opener for me! and also, inspired by one of my good friends, i started doing 'quiet time' for my older kids. not every single day, at least not for my son because he is in school all day and we don't have a lot of time after school for everything, but for my daughter, and on the weekends. they don't nap and so we will have them go in their separate rooms. they can play, read, draw, etc, but it has to be in their own room on their own. it's time for them to relax, recharge and unwind. so during that time i can accomplish something that i want to do. and i don't feel guilt around it anymore. mainly because i am giving them attention and playing with them at other times throughout the day. it's amazing!
there you have it, there are the things that have been helping me so far. i'm not perfect at this, but i am starting to notice a difference in my ability to squeeze things in for myself throughout the day. what about you? do you have any life hacks that would be helpful to add?
this post is all about the logistics. i realized that one of the reasons that i personally drop the ball on self-care is because i don't have any systems in place to support it. or sometimes it seems too hard. so i have been thinking of some ways that i can set myself up for success to be able to incorporate self-care acts everyday. as i mentioned in the first post, it's the small daily acts that make you feel like you are a priority in your own day, not just the large scale events.
one of the resources that has really helped me figure this out a bit is the book "The Fringe Hours" by Jessica N. Turner. a few years ago i was listening to a podcast in which Jessica was being interviewed about her new book and it sounded soooooo intriguing. basically, this mama has 3 kids, a full time out of the house job, a successful blog and an author. and she has hobbies. that, like, she actually, regularly partakes in. it's because she takes the time to nurture those things, all of them. and she admits she doesn't always do it perfectly. but anyway, i admired her ability to do all these things. not that i want my life to be packed so that every minute is full of something, but sometimes i feel like my life is so packed with stuff that every minute is full of something. you know? but i read her book and really liked it. if you are so inclined, you can check it out here on amazon (this is not an affiliate link, i just use amazon like i use air https://www.amazon.com/Fringe-Hours-Making-Time-You-ebook/dp/B00LB5OYHS. but i actually checked the ebook out from my library and read it on my kindle app. for free!
sooooo what i realized is that i don't have large chunks of time throughout the days to do things, especially to do things for myself. that should be fairly obvious but what can i say, i am a little slow sometimes. hehe. i was wondering how i could fit things in like 10 minutes here, 5 minutes there. i have to do that with everything since i have a baby and a preschooler at home and i am constantly bouncing back and forth between their needs. i wrote a list of the things i wanted to do everyday to feel like i was taking care of my needs (my list is basic stuff right now and eventually, i will be able to add more things as i get better at incorporating these things and as the kids get older and less reliant on me for everything). then i wrote down my schedule for everyday, most days have different schedules and requirements so i just wrote a framework of the day and the must-do's, and then the next most important things and then i was able to see where i had these extra minutes and small spaces of time. i am a visual learner, so it was helpful for me to write this all out. and i refer to this a lot, sometimes everyday, especially on hectic days when i am feeling a little lost on what i should do next. just doing that was a huuuuuuuge help to reveal time that i have that i didn't realize.
then i thought about what i was doing during some of these free times and had to decide what i wanted to put my attention towards during these times. for instance, sometimes when i am putting the baby down for a nap i scroll through instagram. sometimes i read. both of those things are fine. but i don't necessarily want to do those things EVERY time i put the baby down for a nap, which is 3 times per day. sometimes i can peruse amazon for a gift for the birthday party we are going to attend on the weekend, sometimes i can reply to an email or text, sometimes i can post some pictures, etc. these are mostly things that i don't HAVE to do but that i want to and it works well for me to do them while i may otherwise be just laying there scrolling mindlessly through social media. basically i just thought about these extra minutes here and there that are available through the day that i may have overlooked before or thought it wasn't actually enough time to do anything useful. haha actually a large part of how this became visible to me was how i was blasting through books on my kindle app on my phone. i realized i could actually read quite a bit everyday by pulling up my phone and reading for a few minutes here and there.
so anyway...i just kind of became aware for one week of the transition times i had that may be used for some kind of action. some examples i found were stuff like sitting in the pick-up line waiting to pick up my son from school (usually about 20 minutes juts sitting there in the car); the times when the baby wakes up from her nap but i can hear that she is not crying she is just babbling to herself, i can still use that time to finish a task; when i am laying next to the baby to get her down for her nap; when i am waiting in line or at the doctor's office, etc; when i am getting ready in the morning (i can listen to a podcast, affirmations, prayers, music, an audiobook, etc). now, the point of this isn't to pack more tasks into my day necessarily (sometimes it is and sometimes it's not depending on how i am feeling and what's going on), but mostly this time is to take do to something FOR MYSELF. for example, while sitting in the pick-up lane waiting to get my son from school i will check in with a friend via marco polo, or check out a book from the library through their app, or read an article that i saved earlier in the day. when i am on the floor playing with the baby sometimes i will do some stretches or my core work exercises, etc. while i am nursing the baby first thing in the morning, before getting out of bed, i read some Baha'i writings like the Hidden Words. stuff like that.
another huge part of setting up the framework for self-care is solving problems and setting up logistics. sometimes this can be super easy--like, i wanted to be able to read writings before i fell asleep and about half the time i would go onto my phone to find something to read, become distracted and find myself looking at instagram or reading an email, etc. so to help myself i put the actual book that i wanted to read right on my nightstand next to my bed. or, to remember to take my vitamins, i put them in the same location that i put the kids'---the reason this works is because i don't forget to give the kids their vitamins daily but i overlook taking my own. if mine are right next to theirs, i just take mine while they are taking theirs. some things require more effort, like if i have to go to an appointment for myself. but i was able to make a list of about 6 people who may be able to watch my girls during the day while i go. every person i asked said yes they could help, and it made me feel so relieved and supported. so through a handful of people that i trust with my kids, i am able to make appointments for myself again instead of waiting until i can ask hubby to stay home from work, which isn't always possible for him. there are lots of ways you can figure out the logistics-can you trade babysitting services? utilize a drop-off daycare for a few hours? institute a quiet time for your kids where they have to play in their rooms by themselves for an hour? there are creative ways to figure out how to find the time that you need to take care of yourself.
the last part, for me at least, is letting go of certain expectations. for some reason (ahem societal pressures) i feel incredibly guilty not spending all the time with my kids. but honestly, i don't need to do that. i mean, sometimes you do, right? especially if they are little. but my son is 6.5 and my older daughter is 4 and they are perfectly able to entertain themselves sometimes, or most of the time. they need me less. i have realized that i can be in the same room with the kids while they play and i am working on something. even with the baby. not all the time, but she is 7 months old so she is able to sit on the floor and can play with toys for a solid 20 minutes sometimes, without needing me to be right next to her. sometimes i am sitting there with her, and other times not (i mean that maybe i am sitting up on the chair while she is on the floor right next to me but i am letting her explore on her own). and what i realized is that it's actually GOOD to allow your kids some independence and freedom to entertain themselves. they learn how to be creative and how to figure out new games and imaginative play and not be solely reliant on someone else for entertainment. it has been a huge eye opener for me! and also, inspired by one of my good friends, i started doing 'quiet time' for my older kids. not every single day, at least not for my son because he is in school all day and we don't have a lot of time after school for everything, but for my daughter, and on the weekends. they don't nap and so we will have them go in their separate rooms. they can play, read, draw, etc, but it has to be in their own room on their own. it's time for them to relax, recharge and unwind. so during that time i can accomplish something that i want to do. and i don't feel guilt around it anymore. mainly because i am giving them attention and playing with them at other times throughout the day. it's amazing!
there you have it, there are the things that have been helping me so far. i'm not perfect at this, but i am starting to notice a difference in my ability to squeeze things in for myself throughout the day. what about you? do you have any life hacks that would be helpful to add?
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