adventures in potty training

oh man.  so, here i am on a friday night, actually sitting next to my hubby outside on our deck in front of a nice cozy fire drinking tea.  both kids are asleep and it is before 9pm.  in about an hour or so my baby girl will wake up and i will have to go tend to her, but for now this is heaven.  and so rare.

anyway.  this post is about potty training.  man.  it has been interesting.  a long time ago, maybe when z was a year and a half or maybe a little older, i thought i'd get him some potty books and a little potty and get him used to the idea of at some point going pee in the big boy potty.  last year when he was almost 2, he seemed really into it.  he would sit on his potty, we read the potty books everyday, he even peed once or twice in his little potty, he had some cute little underpants.  but, i was just finishing at university and was super busy so even though z seemed ready for it, i had to put it off for two weeks or so until i was done with school and could just focus on potty training.  that turned out to be a mistake.  when i was done with school, he was no longer really interested in trying to use the potty.  whoops.  since i was 18-ish weeks pregnant at that point, i was really looking forward to getting him trained so that by the time the baby came, z would be fully trained and i would only have to deal with one in diapers.  i thought that i would try again in a couple weeks.

at z's two year appointment, i was talking to the doctor about potty training and she said that he could still be a little young, in her experience it usually took longer for boys to be ready and to be able to be fully trained but gave me some ideas and encouragement.  she suggested that i keep trying every few weeks or so, and gauge his interest level but not to push it.  but that if he is closer to three years old or so, then maybe push it a little more.  so i thought that sounded good, and that we still had plenty of time, all summer, to get him trained.  but he never really got into it again, he would pee every once in awhile but was just not interested.  i actually did just put him in his underpants for a day, but he wet through all 6 pairs within two hours and pooped in one pair and after i had to clean poop off the kitchen floor i was done, especially being 20 or so weeks pregnant.  i decided to shelve the idea for the time being since we had a million things to get done before the baby came anyway.  plus, baby girl wouldn't be using the cloth diapers for a couple months anyway, so i would work with z on it later.

baby girl was born and things got hectic, and basically i just couldn't put forth the time i wanted to train z.  here and there i would try, but nothing major. then, as ava got bigger and more active, and z got bigger and had more man sized poo, i was growing tired of changing him.  not to mention he fact that he didn't want to sit still to get his diaper changed and he was getting harder and harder to change.  lots of times when he would struggle with a diaper change i would remind him that i didn't want to do this either and that he could just use the potty if he didn't want to sit for the diaper change. he always said no.  it was getting closer to his third birthday and hubs and i wanted to see some progress with sleep (getting z to fall asleep all on his own), ditching the binkie, and potty training.  the sleep thing we are still working on, and the binkie is gone.  now, looking back, (and with some insight from my mom), i think we were putting a lot of pressure on him.  when he turned three we told him he would have to give up his binkie and start using the potty, and i think it was freaking him out a little haha.  he repeatedly said he didn't want to turn three and be a big boy.  poor guy.  anyway, i tried a day or two here and there with him in underpants and then when my mother in law came i worked with him for a few days, but i felt like he didn't really want to do it.  he could.  he was perfectly capable of peeing and pooing in the potty.  but at this point it was more of a power thing.  a way to assert some autonomy.  i didn't want to turn it into a power struggle.  i noticed that he would be so busy playing that he wouldn't pay attention to if he had to go or not or if he even went.  so i thought maybe he wasn't ready again.  then the week of his birthday we tried it again.  but, the results were the same, he was just not paying attention to when he had to go.  i would ask him every 10 minutes or so if he had to go, or remind him to try and he would always say no, and then if i went into the other room to take care of something, he would pee in his underpants.  i also had tried lots of different incentives; small prizes, sticker charts, lots and lots of praise, chocolate chips or some other small treat that he likes, tv shows, whatever.  he would be motivated briefly and then just didn't care anymore about the incentive.

so i finally just thought i would stop again for now and then maybe when he started preschool in the fall, he would see his peers using the potty and he would be more inclined to do so too.  but i talked to my bestie, i read a bunch of mama blogs and books and got some other ideas and talked to the doctor at z's 3 year checkup and was bolstered.  i changed my expectations and actually, what the doctor said was very helpful.  basically she suggested that when i was ready, just put z in underpants and don't look back.  it will be messy and there will be accidents but to be patient and use those opportunities to teach z about the natural consequences of having an accident (if we are at the park for example and he wets himself then he natural consequence is that we have to go home and put dry clothes on him).

so, i was going to wait until there was a week that we didn't have any plans, and we could just be at home.  but then i realized that wasn't very feasible and decided to do it rightnow.  so as of a couple days ago, i told him that he could no longer fit into his diapers, and that it was against the law for three year olds to wear diapers anymore and that we were going to put him in his underpants.  of course at first he said no.  but one afternoon this week i just let him run around naked and then eventually put on his underpants and it wasn't a problem.  then the next day, he ran around naked for half the day and then we put on his underpants.  and he actually had a blast.  and he peed in the potty like a champ.  we still had quite a few accidents, but i was prepared mentally and i was ok with it.  and on the second day, i reminded him to go potty, he ran into the bathroom all by himself, and was in there for a few minutes.  when i went to check on him he had pooped!  haha!  i know this sounds weird to be excited about, but if you've ever potty trained before then you know the joy of your kid pooping in the potty!  and then he said there was more coming so he wanted some privacy.  and then we cleaned up and he got his 4 chocolate chips.  wooohoooo!  the next day i had to go run some errands, and i wasn't sure what to do, i didn't want to put him back in diapers, so i just talked to him about staying dry and that if he wet his pants we would have to come back home and that we would bring his potty seat to use while we were out.  we went to target, and he didn't have an accident and he even tried going pee on the toilet.  he did great.  i was so excited for him.

but then today, we were at our friend's house and he had an accident and when we got home he had several more accidents because he was just not paying attention even though i kept asking him and taking him.  but even after the accidents, he would pee/poo in the potty.  so i think we are progressing, and i am just going to keep him in underpants during the day (i have him in pull ups at night for now, because he does not wake up dry yet!) and keep it up.  i may also set a timer and have him try to potty every time the timer goes off.  that might help with the accidents.  but, i think eventually he will get the hang of it and then we'll work on night time training.  which sounds awful.  but we'll see.  anyway.  that's what's been going on.  and laundry.  so much laundry.  and more poop on my hands than i'd care to have again.  cheers.