one week

well, it's been one week since i saw my doctor and talked to her about anxiety.  i pretty much started working on my plan of action the next day, haha.  after i spent a lot of time researching and all that.  i feel like it will be good to write about my experience, if for no other reason than for me to be able to reflect and make any changes if necessary, and hopefully to see any progress.  so far, i have been starting full on with the exercise and prayer.  on friday i put the kids in the stroller and went for a jog.  i ran to one of the parks in our neighborhood, it was painful, my legs and arms were burning, i felt like i was going to vomit.  but i pushed myself and when we got to the park i got to take a break and watch z run around and climb all over the playground.  it was sunny but the air was a little crisp and felt so nice on my skin.  i was trying to be in the moment and be thankful for them.  the moments.  and the kids, haha.  we headed back home and i jogged back the whole way and it was a little easier.  it felt good even though my legs were rubber and i was out of breath and sweating.  the day was good.

the weekends are interesting, hubs and i are just trying to get through some chores and grocery shopping and stuff, and we had to cancel some of the plans we had cause ava was still sick.  but it's nice to have hubs there and not be by myself all day with the kids.  i did the grocery shopping so i got to get out of the house all by myself, a rare occurrence, haha.  hubs and i were able to do T25 and we sweated a lot!  i always get a little anxious when the weekend is ending because hubs has to go back to work for the week, of course.  i started freaking out a little before dinner on sunday night and hubs asked if i was ok. that's when i realized that i needed to relax and find a way to de-stress. i tried to calm my mind by thinking about our normal routine for the days and for the week.  

on monday i was able to do T25 by myself when ava was napping and z was being entertained by a tv show.  it was challenging since my body was sore from working out over the weekend, but it always feels good afterwards---my body always feels tired but in a pleasant way and almost feels on fire from the blood really pumping and oxygen getting down deep into my lungs. 

 tuesday hubs was home early since we had some concrete people here working on our front entry, and so i was able to go on a jog around the neighborhood by myself.  the sun was shining but it wasn't too warm, and i ran the entire way, which is good for me!  it was nice.  wednesday i took the kiddos to a mom and children group at my friend's house and we went to the park with the kids afterwards, so i got a little walk in.  thursday i jogged to the park and back with the kids in the stroller.  so i have been working on being consistent with exercise and getting my heart rate up. 

took a selfie while jogging haha

i have also been consistent with saying prayers in the evenings, and reading some of the Bahai writings in the evenings, but need to work harder to read the writings in the mornings.  the mornings right now are typically a little rough; i'm usually hungry and need caffeine, the toddler throws a couple screaming tantrums for some reason or another and the baby is clingy and whiny.  it's not the most pleasant way to start the day.  so if i can get some way to take a moment and sing some prayers with the kids and read some spiritual writings that would be good.

trying to get these bebes to nap

i am reading about mindfulness and meditation and i'd like to implement this soon.  i've got some other things to read as well.  so far, i feel like this past week has been a little better as far as anxiety goes, i haven't had a major attack, but still am irritable and a little grumpy and lose my patience quickly, although the kids were really challenging this week.  but maybe i'm learning some things.

checking out the geese at the park

today for example, i woke up tired and groggy and just fuzzy headed.  the morning was rough as it has been for the past couple weeks.  z was fine, but he was just bored so he was kind of getting into stuff and being a little crazy.  ava was really clingy and didn't want to take a nap again.  i was starting to feel mounting anxiety and like i couldn't handle the kids today.  i was nursing ava and trying to get her to sleep and z was whining at me about something.  i finally said---forget it!  i threw the kids into the stroller and started to jog with them to the park again, even though i was sooooo tired and felt just so not into it and we were coming up on lunch time.  but i pushed myself anyway, and when we got back home and ate lunch i felt so much clearer, not so fuzzy headed.  it was great.  the afternoon was fine, although the evening was rough, haha!  but i think i am figuring out some things to pull out of my toolbox.

we saw a wild bunny in our jog

so.  there it is, my first week.  i figure if i work hard at this for a month, maybe i will feel some relief from the anxiety.  we shall see!