Z is 4 years old!

July 19, 2017

Z is 4 years old!

well, Z is 4 years old now! there has been so much growth in this boy in the past several months. this year he started preschool. he goes twice a week for 2.5 hours and he absolutely loves it. and i can see how good it has been for him. he has always played pretty well with other kids, but seeing him in the classroom with all the other kids is great. the preschool is play-based, so they learn through play, which is recommended for this age. and i can really see that he is learning a lot. there has been a lot of change in his life in the last 6 months. around his third birthday we weaned him from his binkie, and started potty training. he has been potty trained for awhile now, and he stays dry at night most of the time now.

he went through a growth spurt a little while back. i was wondering why he was so damn cranky one week, and then one day i got him dressed and realized his shirt and pants were so much shorter. his second year molars are in, and we regularly take him to the dentist every 6 months---his teeth are healthy and cavity free, the dentist was happy with our dental care for him. it helps that he likes to brush and floss his teeth by himself now. i let him do it, and then i go through and make sure everything is extra clean and get all the last "sugar bugs". we struggled a little bit awhile back where it was hard for him to let us brush and floss his teeth but we tried different strategies until he kind of grew out of the struggle and now it's ok again.

we are on a pretty good schedule now during the day, with both kids. on the days that z doesn't go to preschool, z gets to watch a little bit of tv while ava naps and mama gets some work done and showers. then we play play play and eat eat eat and have dance parties and make art and have some challenges here and there, and when the weather is nice we spend a lot of time outside. some days when ava naps, z and i usually do something together just the two of us for a bit, and then he plays while i do some house work. then after ava wakes up we all have a snack together and the kids mob me while i try to cook dinner. on the days he goes to school it's pretty much the same. some days we run errands, some days we go somewhere. fridays we alternate going to a prayer play and devotional for little kids and hosting a toddler virtues class at our house. that's the framework of our week, give or take some activities depending on what's going on and who is healthy or sick. on days that i'm sick, there is a lot of me laying on the floor while reading the kids books or watching shows. when one of the kids are sick it requires me to be at the sick kid's beck and call until they feel better, so those times we keep it low key.

z sleeps pretty well at night now. hubs was putting z to sleep for awhile last year until we decided it would be easier for him to put ava to sleep, and i would put z to sleep. so we still do our bedtime routine that has been in place since he was a baby. and then after we read books, and then sing prayers, i sit with him for a few minutes until he falls asleep. that is the compromise right now. previously we were working on trying to get him to fall asleep on his own, and we were slowly moving across the room and then into the hall and then the guest room and now our bedroom. it's ridiculous. but otherwise, he just won't go to sleep forever. he has always been difficult to get to fall asleep initially. but since we eliminated naps for him, it has been easier. he went through this period where he started freaking out in the middle of the night. he would wake up screaming at the top of his lungs for either me or hubby. this started happening multiple times per night until basically one of us would just fall asleep next to him. we finally figured out that he started to have a fear of the dark. so after a bunch of searching and trying to find solutions, i took him to target to pick out another night light. he already has one in an outlet, and then an owl nightlight near his bed that is portable. but we bought one of those round portable lights that you can put anywhere---like in a closet or whatever. that way he can put it next to his bed and if he feels scared, or needs to come down the hall to our room, he can reach over and turn it on and carry it with him. it has worked pretty well, and now he really doesn't have a problem that bad anymore. he used to resist me leaving the room at night initially, and would get out of bed a million times. and he required no less than 2 visits from hubby. but that was a lot better than it used to be; with one of us laying next to him for up to two hours in the evenings waiting for him to fall asleep. i guess things like this are always changing, so now i just sit next to him until he falls asleep and i'm sure at some point he will just be able to fall asleep all by himself.

his diet has gotten to be a little bit of a challenge over the last few months. when he was a baby, he basically ate whatever (except raw tomatoes, avocado and egg, he never did and still won't eat these things). then he gradually became a little pickier. and we have gone through cycles of him eating really well and not since he was about 18 months. we went through different types of meal and snack preferences. sometimes, depending on what's going on, i am really diligent about snacks and snacking, and sometimes i am not. recently it seems that this snacking situation has gotten out of control. he really likes to snack on trail mix---and we were fine with that, because it had raisins and a few m&m's but he was also eating a fair amount of different kinds of nuts. and i was glad for that because he is not much of a protein eater. but then recently, predictably, he just picks out the raisins and m&m's and may eat a few nuts but then leaves the rest. then a little later asks for more and does the same thing. so i finally figured out that he was playing me and now we have a rule that he has to eat it all or he doesn't get any trail mix. and whatever he doesn't eat, i just pour back into the trail mix bag so eventually there are is nothing left except nuts. haha. but, i did have to become more strict again on when we snack (not too close to dinner) and what we snack on. namely, he has to eat something healthy like a piece of fruit, some veggies, or yogurt or toast and cheese, before he can have trail mix. and i just started making smoothies for us again, so that i can sneak in some spinach or some extra protein. dinners are the worst. around his third birthday he basically stopped eating dinner. so we stopped feeding him snacks so close to dinner. but that didn't really change anything. and i have stuck to my convictions about dinnertime---they have to eat what i make. there is no alternative dinner or snack. if they don't eat, then they will be hungry. even though i stuck to this, in my mind i wavered for a bit when z didn't eat dinner for like a week. but after reading and listening to some podcasts, i was confirmed. in order to create healthy eating habits, this is what i have to do. what i make is what is for dinner. we encourage him to try it. we try not to push and make it an issue. i try to get him to sit at the table for a bit even if he doesn't want to eat. after awhile, he can get down if he is done. he is not allowed to play in the dining room while we eat, the dining room is for eating only (this one is hard to enforce, especially since he wants to play with ava and she is usually still eating). the guidance is that the parent gives the child the food, and the child decides whether and how much to eat. if there is an emphasis or struggle around the kid actually ingesting it, the advice says, then it actually backfires---the kid doesn't actually learn to eat because they want to or because the food is good, they learn to eat to avoid punishment, which has all kinds of ramifications for later on. specifically their food choices later on when they are more grown. so the idea is to teach the kid good eating habits. and like everything else, it's not a quick fix. it takes time, and patience, and work. so that's what we have been and are trying to do. sometimes we are patient and don't bring emotion into it and sometimes we don't practice that very well. just like everything else in life. but, it just is crazy to me how ridiculous and specific his eating preferences are right now. hopefully he grows out of this stage soon. but i took him to his 4 year old well child appointment and the doctor said his BMI is perfect, his weight is right in the middle, and he's tall, so that made me feel better about this picky eating stage.

now that ava is 1.5 years old, z and ava are playing together more and more. that is both good, and challenging. i love love love watching them play together and interact. sometimes this is an opportunity for ava to get revenge and annoy z, sometimes it's an opportunity for z to bully his sister and protect his territory, all the time it is an opportunity for learning if i am on my game. sometimes i have the bandwidth to facilitate the learning and practice of social skills while they are playing and sometimes i don't. this is new territory for me, so i am reading Sibling Without Rivalry and listening to different podcasts about it, which has been very helpful. z loves his sister very much, and even if he is kind of a punk to her sometimes, he always gives her hugs and kisses, helps her with stuff on his own volition, advocates for her and protects her. z is fiercely protective of me and my advocate, and i was wondering how far that extended. then one day, ava was doing something annoying, probably throwing food on the floor or whining at me for milk or something, and i was dismissive and impatient in my response to her. z looks at me and says "mama! don't talk to my baby sister like that! she just wants ______ (whatever it is she wanted), so give it to her! be nice to my baby sister!" and it actually really warmed my heart that he was an advocate for ava over me. i want them to protect each other and stand up for each other and be friends. it's such a special bond.

z is really into imaginative play at this point. he runs around pretending he's a bear, or a rescue bot or a dinosaur. he makes up little characters and settings and situations. sometimes he engages me or ava, sometimes he wants to play by himself. he also "cooks" food, or pretends that the laundry basket is a pirate ship and all kinds of other stuff. it's so fun. and he has a pretty good sense of humor, and is goofy and silly a lot of the time. his ability to connect concepts together in his mind is blossoming as is his ability to stretch the truth, and his greater understanding of the world; that it is big and that he will grow up and he will change, life changes. he is really thinking a lot about that these days, and is giving him some fear and anxiety about getting big. so we try to talk through some of those fears. i am learning how to talk to him about concepts like justice, fairness, how we treat others, how we use our words to work things out, etc. big stuff to try to talk about and understand. i have a list of books that i want to find to help us with these things. it's amazing when i think about ALLLLLL the stuff we have to teach our children; physically, emotionally, spiritually. it's so much. such a great task. intimidating because i want to do my best for these kids---to prepare them and educate them---so i have to search different resources, constantly educate myself, be discerning about what info and ideas i come across to decide what's in line with our belief system, be effective in presenting this to the children a million times until they get it, be patient (not my strong suit), kind and loving while doing so. and you only have this one life to do the best you can with your kids. it's crazy. but the good thing, it seems, is that we are all resilient, we are all imperfect and (hopefully) striving to make ourselves stronger and better everyday.

when i look at this amazing little guy now, i cannot believe how much he has grown this last year, especially the last 6 months. he is no longer a baby, not even a toddler. when i look at him, i see a little boy. he has lost most of the remnants of babyhood---no more arm or leg rolls, he's losing the dimples on the backs of his hands and elbows, his face is more mature, he is tall and lean. sometimes i look at him and think he's 5 years old. but then when i am folding his clothes, i see how small they still are and remember he is still a little guy! and he still needs me, still seeks me for comfort and connection to feel safe. we are really enjoying this stage, hubby and i. we still have to deal with the normal struggles of a small kid, but the tantrums are fewer (no less intense though!), the creativity and imagination and wit and physical ability are greater. i look forward to seeing what the future will surprise us with!

there are literally hundreds of pictures i could add here, but these are just a few of my faves of Z from this last year: