my journey to finding the bahai faith

                                              
****warning---this post will detail my journey to joining the Bahai Faith, not to try to entice anyone to join or anything like that, but just as a reflection of such a lifechanging event for me, so if you are sensitive to any kind of talk about religion or spirituality, then go ahead and skip this post and feel free to read my next post about all the mistakes that hubby and i learned from when remodeling our bathroom over the past month.  and thanks for reading!****

i read a blog recently about someone's experience of finding the Bahai Faith, and i thought it was so interesting.  i really enjoy hearing about how people come to find something so life changing, something like religion, faith, love, friendship, death, birth.  it just really reminds me that everyone's journey is so unique and perfect.  and then it got me thinking about my life and how events in my past have lead me to the Bahai Faith so perfectly and how as a result, my life after becoming a Bahai has been so exactly what it was always supposed to be.  does that make sense?  there have definitely been little things that occurred in my life, that were out of my hands most of the time, that lead me here--my mom being brave enough to find her own religious and spiritual path and joining a very open minded and inclusive church, and deciding to bring me and my brother to that church to ensure we had some sort of religious/spiritual experience and education; the laid back approach that my parents had to our upbringing and the way they instilled in us an open mind and heart particularly regarding race and religion, and the fact that they were never pushy or overbearing about how we chose to worship God.  i think back and reflect on all the different people that in their own way had some sort of impact on my trajectory, whether "good" or "bad" no matter how long they were a part of my life.  i am reminded of how so many times i wanted my life to go one way, i wanted one path so badly no matter how blind i was of the outcome or consequences and God pushed me, through the pain, to a more bountiful and joyful existence, made me stronger and more aware of what i wanted in the future, what kinds of people i would choose to be a part of my life and how i would allow them to treat me.  lots of memories include my grama, as she was such an important person, an important force, even, in my life.  she taught me so many things i can't even begin to describe them here.  she was there during so many hard times and happy events.  a huge part of my journey, i believe, was a life threatening illness i had in my early twenties that necessitated a surgery to remove part of my lung, many procedures and scans, lots of uncertainty, years of harsh antibiotic therapy that took its toll on my body.  there was a period of time in which the doctors didn't really know what was wrong with me and i was up at night, sleepless, afraid that i would die and then what?  what was death?  lack of life, nothingness, darkness?  although i was afraid, i had such confidence in God that i would be alright, confidence that He must have instilled in me because i don't know where else it came from.  coming out of the period of illness, as i was healing, i started to search.  i had always had a relationship with God, but no religion had ever defined it in a way that made sense to me, that felt natural and right.  so, i prayed and had conversations with God and tried to listen.  i tried first, at the place that my mom had chosen for herself.  i needed something else, something more.  i read about many different types of religions but nothing quite fit, or answered the many questions that i had.  while living in downtown seattle, i was working full time at a bank and started taking salsa dance lessons.  my instructor told me that i had potential to be kinda good if i trained.  we made a trade-he would train me and i would help him by being his assistant during some of the beginner classes.  it grew from there, to the point that i was teaching with him, all classes, and private lessons.  it was so much fun, and a great side income, but most importantly, it was a means to meet people.  through these classes i met many of my closest friends, and i came across the Bahai Faith.  one of my students was a Bahai, and as a group of us became close friends, i began to investigate this faith i had never heard of before. as i read through the national and international Bahai websites, i devoured all of the literature and facts and FAQs about the faith.  i printed off and read through many quotes from the Holy Writings and the fundamentals of the faith as well as its goals and aims.  instantly i felt like i had finally found a religion that could articulate so many concepts, feelings and ideas about God and spirituality that i had innately held in my heart throughout my life.  i felt like i had come back home.  i was so excited and overjoyed.  i felt like i had found a piece of a puzzle that had been missing.  over the next few weeks i researched the faith through every avenue that i had available to me.  i listed questions and then found the answers to most of my questions on the websites or in the resources available from their websites.  i knew that if i wanted to join this faith, i would put my whole being into it.  this meant i would have to change some of my lifestyle choices.  i also knew that the overall goal of the Bahai faith is to unite humanity, and right now, this huge undertaking is broken down into small baby steps, grassroots movements that help to build spiritually minded neighborhoods, and that means work.  because the Bahai faith has no clergy, it is actually the members of the faith itself that initiate and sustain these undertakings.  i understood that if i wanted to become a Bahai and give it my all, 100%, then i would have to sacrifice and give my time to the service of humanity in addition to working on myself, to strive to become an ever greater version of myself (which is a lifetime endeavor....or longer).  so i waited for a bit because i wasn't quite ready for a such big change in my life.  i prayed about it and thought about it and continued to research the faith.  i felt like God had led me to this point in my life, my path had crossed the paths of certain people for some reason.  i was certain that i would become a Bahai, but just needed some time.  after a few more weeks, i was hanging out with my friend chantelle--we were always together and it was awesome--and this single conversation that i had with her changed my entire perspective.  i knew that by following my heart (and head, so many things about the faith just made sense to me) i could find happiness within this religion but the selfish part of me wasn't ready to make the necessary sacrifices (for example, it is forbidden in the faith to drink alcohol and i enjoyed a cocktail every now and then like any other 25 year old american girl...this was one thing, a small thing to me really because as far as drinking alcohol, i could take it or leave it, it certainly wouldn't be a deal breaker for me).  i just knew that the changes in my life would take effort and perseverance and for some reason it kind of freaked me out.  i asked chantelle if it was worth it--was it worth giving up this or that and sacrificing time and effort--was the 'reward' woth it?  and she said the best thing that anyone could have said to me at that time.  she told me that nothing was comparable to God's love, nothing could replace it or even come near it.  instantly my eyes filled with tears because in her response to me i found the truth.  this may sound so sappy but i knew her heart was speaking to me and what it said resonated down to my core.  a little backstory, i met chantelle through my salsa dance classes, too, she was a student for a short time and then began working with me and the main instructor and we became very fast friends.  i was so attracted to her radiance and positive attitude, she was always happy and energetic and therefore made me feel the same, which i really needed at the time since i was still battling this lung problem and trying to stay healthy.  anyway, i saw in her such pure and shiny joy that it made me want to find out why she was like that so that i could get like that, too.  i learned that she was a LDS (Mormon), she was raised LDS and seemed to get so much happiness from her church and family and LDS activities, but it was deeper than that.  she had such a deep and wonderful personal relationship with God, it became apparent to me after knowing her better.  so when she responded to my question, i really really respected what she said and knew that she would not steer me the wrong way.  not to mention the fact that here i was, investigating a faith that she is not a part of, that she knows only a little about (just what i had been filling her in on as i was learning more), and instead of trying to get me to go to her church or change my mind about the religion i was about to join, she unselfishly gave me the nudge that i needed, that she must have known that i wanted, towards the Bahai Faith.  all she wanted was for me to receive God's Love , or be open to receive it, no matter the vehicle.  THAT is what made me forget about all of my selfish worries and begin to think more clearly about the situation.  i began thinking about opportunity rather than sacrifice and love rather than fear.  i understood that when i give myself to God, it isn't about me, what can i get, what i think i deserve--it's about what can i do to show Him gratitude, to glorify His Name, to serve His people.  it was an amazing turning point and i can only suspect that perhaps God put chantelle into my life at that time (although she is still in my life, lucky me!!) for the purpose of giving me the support that i needed to make such a huge decision.  within days i had sent a request to meet someone local and within hours i was contacted by another very important person in my journey, erica.  i met with her that weekend and we talked about the remaining questions i had and the basics of what it actually looks like to be a Bahai, and on and on.  that night i went to a fireside with her at another Bahai's house, someone that would also become a wonderful friend to me in the future, and declared myself as a Bahai right then.  i was so excited to get started! hahahhaaha.  anyway, lots of things happened from then until now, i underwent so many changes and growth and regression and more growth and hardships and tests, especially in the first months.  but i can only look back and think that if i hadn't been raised to be open-minded, if i hadn't been in unhealthy relationships, if i never got sick with some crazy micobacterium in my lung, if i hadn't moved to seattle, if i hadn't decided to take salsa dance lessons and later teach, if i hadn't made myself go outside of my comfort zone and push myself to talk to new people, if i hadn't taken the initiative to investigate this faith i had no idea about, if i hadn't been so supported in my journey then i wouldn't have had so many opportunities to serve my community, to uncover and polish my spiritual side, to meet so many wonderful people that have made my life so rich, i wouldn't have met my husband, or become part of such an awesome new family and have the best in-laws ever, perhaps i wouldn't have been encouraged to go back to school and further my education, i wouldn't have been as spiritually prepared to watch helplessly as my beloved grama succumbed to cancer and i wouldn't have been strong enough to be at her side the moment she exhaled her last breath and took flight to the heavenly realm, i wouldn't have been able to deal with the harmful and family-destroying effects that my father's relapse to addiction caused and i wouldn't have had the grace, forgiveness and love required to support him while he re-built himself back up to the most amazing husband and father that he could be, i wouldn't have created my own family with my husband as we welcomed our beautiful son into this world, and i wouldn't have been as spiritually mature to endeavor to raise my son to know and love God himself.  i am in awe of God's plan and how it unfolds for everyone just as it should.  i hope that during the unfolding i am able to remember all of this and to trust Him.  at times i become terrified of losing anyone of my friends or family, that is the most scary thing to me, and i remind myself that i cannot be so wrapped up in the material world that i live in that fear day to day.  it all takes effort and steadfastness.  i decided to write about such a personal journey and share it on the interwebs not to create discord or disunity because of disagreements in religious beliefs but partly because i hope that my journey thus far may inspire other people in whatever way it needs to whether that is spiritually or not.  whether it's to connect with God or to break out of your comfort zone to try something new that you have been thinking about, to go back to school or to forge a better relationship with a friend or family member or to be strong in the face of an illness.  or even just to try to paint, or dance, or go on a vacation.  whatever it is, i hope that maybe in the tiniest way my story, my truth can connect to someone else's the way that i have received from others.  and partly, because it helps me tremendously just to type this out, to see the words, to let them sink in and remember the feelings and emotions and excitement that i had about such a change in my life, to be reminded of the blessings that i have been bestowed and even the hardships that have made me strong and molded me into who i am now and who i will continue to evolve to be.  so, thanks for reading, and please share with me if you have experienced something so life changing.  i'd love to hear about it.