let's talk about post-partum stuff

if you've never had a child before, i'm going to let you in on a little secret:  regular, run of the mill, non-celebrity, no-nanny having, make your own meals, housekeeper-less mommas generally don't look like this after having a baby:

apparently these are the 'after' pictures, within 4 months or so of giving birth

there are such high expectations for women to look amazing weeks after birthing a human baby.  it's insane.  it's just ingrained into our culture.  now, i'm not knocking these and other women who have slimmed and toned and dieted and whatever else, they probably worked really hard to look like this and they probably have to look like this to keep their job.  but, in my mind, these celebrity women aren't 'real life people', they are an image, they are the exception, not the rule, of what normal everyday women look like.  they get world class hairdressers and makeup artists and photographers to make them look their very best, and so there's this ideal, this false standard that is set for everyday normal women.  what is forgotten is that this isn't real, most people don't have nannies and chefs and assistants and housekeepers and personal shoppers and hairdressers and makeup artists and stylists and trainers.  non-famous women have to do all this themselves (well, most of it, i'm sure the husbands are doing their part, too, right guys?).  and with a newborn, it's impossible.  honestly, even with all of that hired help, how do these women get into shape like this?  i couldn't even sit normally until 2 weeks after giving birth, and could only take a walk or stand for 20 minutes max.  maybe they had easier births, maybe they have pain medicine?  who knows.  but in reality, it takes time for a woman's body to bounce back.  this is physiologically the case.  but there remains this standard.  only a month after giving birth, several people commented on my still round belly, i'm sure they didn't mean to be rude, but maybe they just didn't know what a regular post partum body looks like.  3 months after my son was born a woman asked if i was pregnant.  hello?!  my belly was still a little more round than usual, but it wasn't that big, and i had a 3 month old!  it was a good 9 months after z was born that i was down to my pre-pregnancy weight, granted i wasn't dieting or working out or anything, this was just my body's natural timeframe and apparently the weight that my body wants to be because i didn't do anything to get there.  if i was exercising i'm sure i could have gotten back into 'shape' faster, but my main focus was to eat well, to nourish my body so that i could feed my baby and to get the hang of this motherhood business.  after z was a year old i felt motivated to get back into shape, just to be healthy and strong, and maybe tighten up the midsection a little.  because although i was back down to my normal weight, my body shape had changed, for good.  my midsection is a different size than before and i think that won't change even if i have very toned abs.  now i know why there are mom jeans.  this probably isn't the case for every mom, but i definitely can't wear the low cut jeans anymore, it looks ridiculous.  anyway, i'm loving all the articles and media and stuff that has been out lately showing a more reasonable perspective on post partum bodies.  i thought it was great that princess kate middleton stood proud, with her son and husband, round belly on full display, when leaving the hospital after giving birth:

that is closer to what it looks like right after baby.  the day after i gave birth, my belly looked about 6 months pregnant still.  it went down everyday, but it took probably 2 or 3 weeks before it shrunk to just a little extra chub.  i mean, i gained about 45 lbs despite my diligence in not overeating during pregnancy.  my midwife said that it was fine, i was considered about 10 lbs 'underweight' at conception and if i was really staying within the guidelines of caloric intake, then that's just the weight my body needed to gain, my sugar levels were perfect and i had no other issues that she was concerned about.  anyway, 45 lbs is a lot of weight to lose.  here is what i looked like one week and two and a half weeks post baby:

about a week after giving birth, i still look 6 months pregnant

about 2 1/2 weeks after giving birth, still have a round belly, looking about 4 months pregnant

there seems to be some shaming and harsh criticism regarding post-baby bodies and it's sad, along with a bunch of other unrealistic expectations of new mothers and lack of proper support from the community and government but that's another post. anyway, body shaming in general is not cool, whether the person is thin or curvy or chunky or whatever. i can't stand those memes that i see like, "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" or "real women have curves" or whatever other forms of women on women body image bashing out there. and it happens to thin women just like more curvy women. we hear plenty of comments telling us we look gross or sick or yelling at us to eat something and much more. how is that any more acceptable than someone telling a larger woman that she is gross, should stop eating and go on a diet. Not cool either way. in general it's just not appropriate to make negative comments about other people's weight, right? there is no such thing as a "real woman" looking a certain way or not. a real woman isn't blonde or brunette, super fit or extra curvy, a doctor or a construction worker. a real woman is someone who has integrity, is honest and trustworthy, caring and loyal, humble but confident and a hundred other characteristics. i think it's great to work hard to be in good shape, to be healthy, it sets the tone for so many other parts of life, but the criticism can go. as for post-baby bodies, well, every woman and every pregnancy is different, every woman's situation is different. but maybe someday this society can understand better the post partum period, one that takes adjusting, requires support, and necessitates love and compassion, not focusing on when she will lose the baby weight. it takes time. something that is in short supply for a new mom and happily (or grudgingly) spared for the precious new little person.