4 months old

My little mister is 4 months now, well as of last week.  There has been a lot of development in the past couple of weeks, and I am still just amazed at how quickly babies pick up and perfect new skills.  They really do change from week to week.  This past month we have had some ups and downs and mama has really been given opportunities for personal growth.  Hehe.  I am really not used to the lack of freedom to do whatever I want and have to remind myself that if my baby is having a hard day or just wants mama and I can't do any of the things I wanted to get done, it's ok.  I tell myself that this time is fleeting, I will never get it back and I don't want to feel regret later on because I was too focused on projects and house cleaning and meal cooking.  But it is taking a big effort on my part to let go and just enjoy the time I have with my little guy.  Most days are great, he wakes up happy and smiling at me and babbling, we play and nurse and play some more until it's time to get up, shower, change and clothe the baby and eat breakfast.  We sing songs and practice sitting and playing and tummy time.  Sometimes we go for a walk or shopping or meet a friend.  Sometimes I try to work on a house project, usually with major protesting from little man.  Hubby comes home and we do dinner.  Then it's time for the bath-jammies-nursing nighttime routine.  And while my baby lays next to me before he falls asleep, before he protests and fights against sleep with his arm flailing, he rewards me with the sweetest, most loving and heart melting gaze that makes me never want to let him go.  He is my sweet, cranky-old-man boy and I just love him so much.  Onto the monthly update:

-feeding: still breast feeding and it is still great, he has been nursing about every hour lately
-sleeping: he continues to sleep through the night although a few times last week he awoke at 3 am to nurse and again at 6 am which he hasn't done since he was a newborn.  I noticed that if he doesn't get milk from both sides before he goes to sleep then he will wake up wanting to nurse around 6 am.  He needs that extra top off before he sleeps for the night.  Also, he has been waking up more frequently at night but I either put his binkie in his mouth or just let him be and he falls back to sleep.  He still doesn't nap.  Sometimes he will sleep for 30 minutes or so, but it is not consistent and it is still a struggle.  It is hard for me when I work for 2 hours to get him to nap and he only sleeps for 20-30 minutes.  But he is getting to sleep at night a little earlier, around 10 pm and sometimes if I'm lucky by 9:30.  So there's that.
-growing:  he weighs about 15 lbs now, he is a tall guy and I had to buy some 6 month jammies since all his 3 month ones are too short now.  He is still in his 3-6 month clothes.  I think that he has started teething because not only is he ridiculously drooly but he chews on his hands, his toys, my fingers, whatever, sometimes frantically and a few days this past week he was so surly, fussy and clingy that I knew something was going on.  So we are entering that lovely phase.  I feel bad though because I can tell sometimes he is really uncomfortable.  He will be playing and giggly one minute and then the next he will squawk, cry and jam his fingers in his mouth for a good chew fest.  Poor guy.
-developing:  baby boy is getting really good at grabbing and holding things, he recently started picking up a toy if it is laying next to him, and everything goes in his mouth now.  He started to pick up his cow rattle and shake it all around, same with his chewy keys, it's pretty darn cute.  He grabs hair, skin, shirts, necklaces, etc of the person that is holding him.  His tummy time is getting better, he holds himself up with his arms and now holds his legs up behind him at the same time and just started picking up a toy in front of him while on his tummy.  Oh! He is getting really good at rolling from his tummy to back and is so close to rolling from back to tummy.  He is a very strong boy.  I have been putting him in the bumbo chair so he can strengthen the muscles that he needs to sit up.  But he does try to fling himself out of the thing.  Today I put him on the floor while I was cooking dinner and he had wiggled himself around almost 360 degrees.  He is a very wiggly and active little guy.  He is also very talkative.  He babbles and razzes and squeals, screams and yells and giggles.  No big belly laughs just yet though.
-personality: still pretty serious with a look of concern on his face often, but he smiles a lot more now, especially for me and baba.  He is a flirty little guy sometimes and does this really cute little bashful face at me.  But most of all, he is demanding and bossy.  He totally reminds me of myself when I was 17.  He knows what he doesn't want or like and he will let you know.  Loudly.  Incessantly.  Without patience.  It is kinda funny sometimes and kinda exhausting. I think he is going to keep us on our toes as he grows up!
-likes:  looooves Sophie the giraffe, his cow rattle, his owl toy, chewing on his fingers, holding wings with Jacque the peacock, testing his voice out to see just how loud he can scream, baths, being held, playing on the floor, looking at the tv (we try to avoid this but he is so drawn to it now),being outside, going on walks , shopping, mama kisses on his belly
-dislikes: taking naps, being alone, not having all the attention, any kind of contraption like a swing, bumbo, car seat, jumper, etc for longer than 5 minutes
-me: doing well, my bones hurt and my back and neck are constantly sore which is no fun, but I am working on making myself healthy snacks during the day, and am trying to be consistent about praying daily, and will work in reading Bahai holy writings daily.  I feel a little overwhelmed with all the stuff that I want/need to do but not really in a bad way.  I just started reading and researching about starting solids so I can decide what/how/when we will do that.  I feel great being a mother and while lying in bed the other night getting Zabih to sleep this revelation hit me like a ton of bricks:  my son is borrowed, lent to me to raise and take care of and have as a gift in my life to improve my and hubby's lives, to learn from and be given opportunities to grow individually and together, but he is not "mine", I do not own him, have no command over his soul.  He is God's, plain and simple, and it is our job to do the best we can with him, to raise him to recognize and love his maker, God.  It is such an awesome responsibility, more than a little intimidating, but with the knowledge that he belongs to God brings a certain detachment that is necessary to let him be, grow, fail, succeed, learn, serve, without asserting my own will.  So, that understanding is there, and hopefully I (we) can follow it in action throughout our lives together.  It was a huge realization for me!  So, we will see where this goes. On a lighter note, I am having more fun with him (and he drives me more crazy) as he gets older and more active and seeing him learn a new skill like rolling over makes me ridiculously happy.

in his vest

so serious...he has a meeting to get to

concentrating

with his pumpkin

his dragon costume for halloween

not a happy camper

so excited

he was so grumpy this day and i put him down in his play gym, the next thing i know i turn around and he had pulled it down around him and was giggling about it

tummy time

we took a walk, he was supposed to nap, he laughed at me instead

he loves to chew on sophie

practicing sitting

monster

in his jumper seat