stay at home parents
i recently read this article about stay at home moms, basically the author of the article is married with two kids and his wife stays at home raising the kids and taking care of the household. he describes how other people react after hearing that his wife stays at home, "what does she do all day?!", and goes on to discuss how backwards our culture is to hold such a negative opinion of those who raise children. he brings up so many good points and i would like to write/discuss about it here. and this extends to dads that stay home to raise the little ones, too. the first thing that i want to mention is that no one should make such a leap and assume that i (or the author of the article because he makes it clear) have anything against both parents working or staying at home or whatever the situation is. i understand that people do what is best for their family and their situation. and i am not casting ill feelings towards working mothers. every woman should have the right to decide whether she wants to have a career/job or not. anyway, i was first struck by his admonition, "I shouldn't need to explain why it is insane for anyone-particularly other women-to have such contempt and hostility for stay at home moms". he goes on to say that our culture must really be confused to fail to "grasp the glory and seriousness of motherhood" and states that we should revere and admire these women. i completely agree. there are probably many reasons why the act of staying at home to raise kids has become such a criticized position, perhaps because there are lots of parents that do it badly, maybe some are particularly lazy, could be that in this materialistic society the time one spends working and amount on their paychecks validates their existence and defines their worth. and if this is the case, then those that raise children without bringing in money are worthless and lazy and a drain on those that "work". the author of the article describes raising children as doing something beautiful, challenging, complicated, painful, joyous and essential. our civilization DEPENDS on this. let us think about that for a beat. people are always so quick to blame parents if children are not well behaved, if they don't "turn out well" or meet the standards of society, yet there is disdain and disregard for the ones who choose to be home with their children. why? does it make those critics feel uncomfortable? guilty? superior? as you know if you have read my blog before, I am a Bahai and in our faith it is believed that the mothers are the first educators of children and that it is vitally important in order for humanity to thrive that these mothers (and fathers) put forth every effort to do so. a quick quote:
"Let the mothers consider that whatever concerneth the education of children is of the first importance. Let them put forth every effort in this regard, for when the bough is green and tender it will grow in whatever way ye train it. Therefore is it incumbent upon the mothers to rear their little ones even as a gardener tendeth his young plants. Let them strive by day and by night to establish within their children faith and certitude, the fear of God, the love of the Beloved of the worlds, and all good qualities and traits." -Abdu'l-Baha
does it not make sense that if these mothers (and fathers) put great effort into raising their children, and are enveloped with support and encouragement and respect that it will in turn benefit society?
the next point that he makes, which i never considered, is that being a mom isn't a job, a job is something you do to earn money; you get paid, get benefits (hopefully), go on lunch breaks, etc. he says it is nothing "spectacular or mystical" and doesn't understand why people in the workforce are elevated to such a "hallowed status". in his conversation with one of these people that scoffed at the "stay at home" status of his wife, he points out that here they are in the middle of the day casually sipping coffee at a cafe and that his wife would love to have a break like this. he states that when you have a job, you are expendable...if you quit, you can be replaced. that if mothers "quit" being mothers, it would be a great detriment to society and "entire lives would be turned upside down", that this tragedy would be "felt for generations". it is the same in reverse.
this next part i will quote directly from the article because it is so good: "Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to
the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.
"Let the mothers consider that whatever concerneth the education of children is of the first importance. Let them put forth every effort in this regard, for when the bough is green and tender it will grow in whatever way ye train it. Therefore is it incumbent upon the mothers to rear their little ones even as a gardener tendeth his young plants. Let them strive by day and by night to establish within their children faith and certitude, the fear of God, the love of the Beloved of the worlds, and all good qualities and traits." -Abdu'l-Baha
does it not make sense that if these mothers (and fathers) put great effort into raising their children, and are enveloped with support and encouragement and respect that it will in turn benefit society?
the next point that he makes, which i never considered, is that being a mom isn't a job, a job is something you do to earn money; you get paid, get benefits (hopefully), go on lunch breaks, etc. he says it is nothing "spectacular or mystical" and doesn't understand why people in the workforce are elevated to such a "hallowed status". in his conversation with one of these people that scoffed at the "stay at home" status of his wife, he points out that here they are in the middle of the day casually sipping coffee at a cafe and that his wife would love to have a break like this. he states that when you have a job, you are expendable...if you quit, you can be replaced. that if mothers "quit" being mothers, it would be a great detriment to society and "entire lives would be turned upside down", that this tragedy would be "felt for generations". it is the same in reverse.
this next part i will quote directly from the article because it is so good: "Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to
the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined.
Yes, she is just a mother. Which is sort of like looking at the sky and saying, “hey, it’s just the sun.”"
i really like that part because he acknowledges and cheers the fact that mothers can have so much influence on their child's life, to the point of shaping and molding them. that is pretty huge. here is another quote from the Bahai Faith that relates to the parent-child relationship, specifically helping to shape their characters:
"Ye should consider the question of goodly character as of the first importance. It is incumbent upon every father and mother to counsel their children over a long period, and guide them unto those things which lead to everlasting honour." -Abdu'l-Baha
and just for good measure, here is another quote about how important mothers are in raising children:
"The task of bringing up a child, as emphasized time and again in Bahá’à writings, is the chief responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed to create in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which a child first receives through his mother constitutes the strongest foundation for his future development..."
so i am going to wrap this up since this is getting to be a long post, but whether anyone reads those Bahai quotes and agrees or not, it is clear that parents who take an active role in raising their children have the power and potential to do so much good, to help shape the future in a positive way, whether they stay at home or work outside the home (or from home for that matter). but i sincerely hope that the subtle and not so subtle disrespect of those parents that are considered "stay at home" ceases and that there will be a shift in how society views this vital and meritorious responsibility. if that happens, can you imagine the outcome? respect and support for those raising the children...happier, more inspired and able educators (the parents)...loved and cherished children that are joyful and happy, well mannered, and eager to learn and explore....maybe! anyway, just something really important to think about. personally, after staying at home for the past 6 months to raise my son, i have so much more empathy and respect for other stay at home parents and hope that other people understand what a complex duty this can be. not because we need a pat on our back or a trophy or any other kind of reward, but just the acknowledgement, encouragement, support and respect that this amazing, joyous, emotional, powerful and sometimes difficult responsibility deserves. cause guys, it is hard! ;)
"Ye should consider the question of goodly character as of the first importance. It is incumbent upon every father and mother to counsel their children over a long period, and guide them unto those things which lead to everlasting honour." -Abdu'l-Baha
and just for good measure, here is another quote about how important mothers are in raising children:
"The task of bringing up a child, as emphasized time and again in Bahá’à writings, is the chief responsibility of the mother, whose unique privilege is indeed to create in her home such conditions as would be most conducive to both his material and spiritual welfare and advancement. The training which a child first receives through his mother constitutes the strongest foundation for his future development..."
so i am going to wrap this up since this is getting to be a long post, but whether anyone reads those Bahai quotes and agrees or not, it is clear that parents who take an active role in raising their children have the power and potential to do so much good, to help shape the future in a positive way, whether they stay at home or work outside the home (or from home for that matter). but i sincerely hope that the subtle and not so subtle disrespect of those parents that are considered "stay at home" ceases and that there will be a shift in how society views this vital and meritorious responsibility. if that happens, can you imagine the outcome? respect and support for those raising the children...happier, more inspired and able educators (the parents)...loved and cherished children that are joyful and happy, well mannered, and eager to learn and explore....maybe! anyway, just something really important to think about. personally, after staying at home for the past 6 months to raise my son, i have so much more empathy and respect for other stay at home parents and hope that other people understand what a complex duty this can be. not because we need a pat on our back or a trophy or any other kind of reward, but just the acknowledgement, encouragement, support and respect that this amazing, joyous, emotional, powerful and sometimes difficult responsibility deserves. cause guys, it is hard! ;)
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